


Pride

by DmitriMolotov



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Coming Out, Discussions of Identity, Gen, Gender Identity, Jon is also present, Sexual Identity, Trans Martin Blackwood, thankfully Elias is not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:13:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26173282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DmitriMolotov/pseuds/DmitriMolotov
Summary: The Archive staff celebrate Pride together.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 77





	Pride

**Author's Note:**

  * For [taschenrechner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taschenrechner/gifts).



> This fic was written for [Chalroe](https://chalroe.tumblr.com/) as part of a discord gift exchange orchestrated by the ever-amazing [Charlie](https://twitter.com/charliepaigeb) over on their server. You can check out some of the other works from the exchange [here](https://twitter.com/charliepaigeb/status/1299485676556234756).

“I feel like we really should ask Jon about this first, y’know?”

Tim finished tacking the rainbow lettering onto the corkboard in the kitchen and turned to look at Martin, one eyebrow raised dramatically.

“Martin please, as if he’s going to say no - there is no way in hell that man is straight. He can pretend all he likes to be button-down straight-laced Mr Boring, but he is Not Straight.”

Sasha hummed pensively, positioning and repositioning a poster on the fridge. “I wouldn’t be so sure of yourself there, Tim. I have it on good authority that he had a girlfriend in college.”

Martin almost grimaced.

Tim smirked. “Your good authority: the computer and an uncanny ability to track people’s movements on social media?”

“It’s an art, Tim.”

“An ‘art’ that is also known as ‘stalking’.”

“Not when it’s for research,” Sasha replied in an unbothered, sing-song tone.

Tim sighed, rolling his eyes. “Big deal, I had a girlfriend in college too. So he’s bi... or maybe he’s pan? Point is, it proves nothing.”

“C’mon Tim,” Martin pleaded, “it’s not fair to speculate like that.”

“It’s not, you’re right. I should just ask him.”

“What?! No! Not- I-uh-”

Tim laughed. “Relax Martin, I’m kidding.”

Martin breathed an audible sigh of relief. “Oh. Well. We should still ask him if he’s going to be ok with us decorating the Archives like this. I mean, what if it’s like…” Martin stalled, unsure where he was going with that train of thought.

“-what if he’s allergic to rainbows?” Tim suggested sarcastically. 

That made Sasha laugh. “Please, Martin, you’re the one living here, you can’t honestly say you wouldn’t usually decorate your flat for pride?”

Martin went to speak, then snapped his mouth closed in a pout. “I actually… not really.”

“What kind of gay are you? It’s Pride. Be ... _ proud _ . At the very least be proud with us.” Tim smiled his biggest, most genuine charming smile and Martin felt himself give in to it. 

“Yeah, yeah, ok.” 

“That’s the spirit Martin!” Sasha enthused. “C’mon, grab the other end of that banner for me.”

Martin picked up the other end of the rainbow pennant flags and paused. “Wait! What about Elias?”

“I suppose I could find a step stool, but you and Sasha do have the height advantage here, Martin.” Elias’ voice materialising behind him made Martin nearly jump out of his skin.

“I- I just mean-”

“It’s ok Martin, I have already approved the Pride celebrations. I believe Hannah is organising one for the office upstairs too. I am very much looking forward to it. Rosie will be bringing cupcakes.”

“O-oh,” Martin stuttered. “Ok then, so long as it’s all approved…”

“The Magnus Institute is an equal opportunity employer - it’s important that all our staff feel welcome and are able to be their true selves, if that’s what they choose.”

Martin hesitated, a feeling of unease settling on him - a feeling he hadn’t had in a long while, not since he first came out and was worried about passing. These days he rarely worried about that sort of thing, not because of how he looked, but he just didn’t worry so much about  _ not  _ passing. Being read as trans was fine with him; but this feeling now, it was like being watched, being  _ seen _ . He shuddered slightly and tried to shake it off.

“Good to hear, boss!” Tim replied cheerfully. 

“Where is Jon anyway?” Sasha asked.

“I do believe he’s in the Library,” Elias said, a pensive look crossing his face, “reading up on card games during the Revolutionary war. He’ll be down shortly.”

“We’d better move quickly then, if it’s more work to take down than finish putting up he’ll be morally obliged to take the more efficient route.”

Elias smirked. “Very shrewd Tim, perhaps I promoted the wrong Archivist.” 

Tim smiled sharply, canines flashing. “I think we both know that’s true.”

Sasha and Tim shared a loaded look that Elias couldn’t have seen, though his eyebrow twitched and he hummed a chuckle. 

“Well then, I just thought I’d pop in to see how everyone was doing. I’ve left a file on Jon’s desk, he’ll find it in due course. I’ll leave you to it. Do let me know if you’re going to be having cake.” 

With that Elias turned to leave and Martin felt some of his unease subside.

As soon as he was out of earshot Sasha snatched the still damp sponge from the sink behind her and threw it at Tim, who was quick enough to save his face by blocking it with his forearm, leaving a wet patch near his elbow.

“Tim! I can’t believe you!”

Tim erupted in laughter. “I couldn’t help myself, it just slipped out. It’s true though.”

“You’re going to get yourself fired one day, you know that, right?”

Tim just grinned, unbothered. “He is not straight either, by the way.”

Martin scoffed. “How would you even know?”

Tim just winked at him, leaving it to his imagination in the worst possible way. 

“Right, where were we?” Sasha said, drying her hands. “Oh yeah, get the end of that banner. It’s going above the door.”

They hung decorations and put up posters for the next few minutes with easy conversation about the cleanliness of the Archives in comparison to the rest of the Institute and complained about the lack of restocking the facilities until the kitchen looked festive and all the common spaces had at least one rainbow flag visible from anywhere in the room. 

Tim stood back to admire their handiwork, hands on his hips. “Right, all that’s left are the big flags. We can-”

“Good lord, what have you done to the Archives?”

Jon stood in the doorway, a heavy book under one arm and a file in the other.

Tim exaggerated a gasp. “Could it be our very own Jonathan Sims, head archivist of the Magnus Institute is  _ actually _ allergic to rainbows?! Martin called it.”

Jon rolled his eyes, putting the book and file down on the small table of the kitchen. “While I am not opposed to the celebration of diversity in gender and-” he cleared his throat- “ _ sexuality… _ the bright colours do seem in stark opposition to the more  _ academic _ decorum of the Archives.”

“That’s the  _ point _ , Jon.” Sasha teased. “Look, it’s a nice touch to be able to celebrate something we’re all in agreement with. Even Elias is on board.”

“Have you even been to Pride before?” Tim asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jon frowned. “Not that it’s any of your business, but parades are… not my cup of tea.”

“Shock horror.”

“Tim...” Martin started.

“But-” Jon continued firmly- “I have been, yes. In my youth.”

“So like, last year then?” Sasha grinned.

Martin almost choked. “Sasha!” 

Jon’s eyes narrowed and a hint of a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “In my  _ college  _ days.”

Tim grinned wide, eyes twinkling with mischief now. “Getting all the hot boss goss today, aren’t we? Any preference of flags then?”

Jon blushed dark behind his glasses. “That’s uh- a very personal question.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Tim reached into a box stuffed with brightly coloured fabric and rummaged around, retrieving a pink, purple and blue flag. “Ah, here’s mine.” He pulled it around his shoulders like a cape.

Sasha went to pull it off him. “It’s mine too, Tim! Share!”

Tim was already digging in the box again. “Martin, which do you want? I have more rainbows, I think there’s a pan one in here somewhere… oh, here’s a trans one, do we have any lesbians? Nevermind, I’m going to hang it anyway, we could always do with a few more lesbians around here.” 

“Tim! Oh my god.” Martin was red as a beet and on the verge of hyperventilating. “This is a HR nightmare waiting to happen.”

Jon scowled.

“I’m kidding! ...well, sort of, we could definitely do with more representation on that front, it is a bit of a boy’s club down here.”

“And as soon as I have the ability to remedy that I’m sure I will look into it, but for now, this is what we have to work with, so we might as well make the most of it,” Jon said, sighing and resigning himself to the fact that this was going to happen. “Right, what will this Pride celebration entail then? You’re not planning on jumping out at me again I hope?”

“Jon that was one time!” Sasha cried.

“Yes, well, once was enough.” 

“Party will be tomorrow, Martin will pop down the road and pick up some nibbles in the morning and I will be bringing the bubbles.”

“I’m baking brownies!”

“Very festive,” Jon muttered. 

“Ooh, your brownies are the best,” Martin said earnestly.

Sasha beamed, biting her tongue from admitting they were just a box mix she just added double quantities of chocolate to.

“Well then, tomorrow will be quite the day. But for now I’m going back to work. I suggest you all do the same as soon as you’re finished here.”

Tim did a mock salute. “Will do, boss.”

* * *

The next day they called an extended “brunch” and gathered around the little table in the kitchen a little before noon with a spread of finger food, fruit, juice and sparkling wine. 

“So, we never did clarify what this would actually entail, outside of carbonated alcoholic beverages and finger sandwiches.” Jon said, pouring a generous amount of orange juice into his sparkling wine. 

“And brownies,” Martin added.

“Mimosas, brownies and finger sandwiches make for a pretty good day at work, you have to admit.” Tim raised his glass in toast.

“I suppose…”

“I have an idea,” Sasha said.

“Oh?”

“This is a pride  _ celebration, _ so I think we should celebrate,” she proposed. “Share some uplifting stories, something positive, make it less  _ taboo _ to talk about. If cis straight people can openly talk about their coming of age stories and first kisses and love lives, then so can we.” 

Martin watched Jon’s face flush as she said it. “I don’t think  _ everyone  _ is comfortable with-”

“No, it- it’s ok,” Jon interrupted. “I think it’s a good idea actually. Sasha raises a very good point. I- uh, no one should feel pressured to share, but if you want to, you absolutely have a right to.”

Tim nodded solemnly. 

“Great, I’ll go first,” Sasha said, tipping her glass to drain the last of the sparkling wine in it. 

“Wait wait wait!” Tim interrupted, clearing his throat and putting on his best official Archivist Voice. “Statement of Sasha James, regarding her experience as a bisexual youth.”

Martin stifled a snort and Sasha grinned while Jon just shook his head.

“Statement begins…” 

“I came out as a lesbian when I was 16. My mum was so mad. She  _ really _ wanted grandkids. She calmed down when I explained to her she could still be a grandma, even more so when I brought home my first boyfriend at 21. Let me tell you though, trying to convince her that having a boyfriend did not mean I was straight was a  _ time _ .”

“Oh, I feel that.” Tim added.

“It was hard though, coming to terms with being bi. When I thought I was a lesbian it seemed like such an important part of who I was that when I found myself falling for one of the guys in my class I didn't fully realise it. I think I was angry with myself, y’know? Funny how we build an image of ourselves up in our own heads like that. You think you know who you are but then… something changes. It’s hard to know who the real you is.”

Tim slid closer to her and put an arm around her shoulder, giving a reassuring squeeze. She put an arm around his waist and squeezed back.

“My brother was my biggest ally when I came out,” Tim volunteered, filling the silence. “I was older, and he was closer to our parents, I’d already moved out by the time I’d properly figured it out, but he was always there for me. Made me feel accepted, like I could just be myself. I mean  _ now _ ,” he huffed a laugh, “now I’m not sure you could stop me, y’know, expressing myself.” His grin was wide but there was something stopping it from touching his eyes, a hint of sadness masked in it.

“Oh we know it, Tim,” Jon muttered, “and I’m pretty sure most of the Institute and the local constabulary and every cafe in the area knows it too.”

Tim beamed again, more genuinely this time. “Good. Just how I like it.”

Jon cleared his throat. “It has been… useful… to have you on board. With your unique, uh,  _ resourcefulness _ .” 

“It’s ok boss, you can just say you love me.” Tim winked.

“I most certainly will  _ not _ .”

Tim leaned over to Martin and whispered just loud enough for him to hear, “Maybe he  _ is  _ straight after all?”

Martin nearly sprayed mimosa out his nose and had to cover it with an inelegant cough. 

“What about you, Martin? Anything you want to share? Fond memories, funny stories,  _ crushes... _ ?”

Pink crept into Martin’s cheeks and he pointedly looked at Tim, who was pointedly looking between him and Jon.  _ Sneaky bugger. _

“I’m afraid I’ve never been very good at relationships,” Martin admitted. “I think I had my first crush on a boy in the first grade. I wasn’t shy about it either. I mean, it was only first grade, but it was sort of a disaster. ...it didn’t get much better from there I suppose. I guess now I just… sort of keep it to myself.”

Sasha leaned over and rubbed his arm. “Aww, Martin. Any guy would be lucky to have you.” She was also looking pointedly at Jon, who Martin was relieved to see, was more interested in looking at the filling of his sandwich at the time. 

“That’s absolutely right. Wouldn’t you agree, Jon?” Tim clapped him on the shoulder and Jon instinctively flinched away.

“Hmm? Oh yes. Yes that’s right,” he agreed, clearly not entirely following the conversation. 

“See Martin,” Sasha continued very deliberately, “even Jon considers you a catch.”

Jon looked up with mild concern, but not opposition. “I… guess so.” He seemed to come back to his senses and added, “I’ve no doubt he’d make a better partner than archival assistant…”

A brief look of insult flashed across Martin’s face.

“...I wouldn’t mind it so much if he only brought dogs  _ home _ .” Jon smirked, pleased with his recovery.

Martin buried his face in his hands.

Tim laughed. “I can’t believe you still haven’t let that go.”

“Tim, he let a  _ dog  _ loose in the  _ Archives _ .”

“At least it wasn’t a horse in a hospital.” Sasha grinned.

Jon blinked. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“That’s ok Jon, I didn’t expect you would.”

Tim shook his head. “Good thing you have me around to appreciate your references.”

“Thank you Tim, I can always count on you… mostly… sometimes.”

“It’s our bisexual connection.”

“Mmhmm, of course it is.” She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, boss, you never did say which flag you’d like.” 

Jon froze like a deer in headlights as Tim practically dove back into the box of flags. Martin saw his distress and recognized something in it.

“Could you get me the trans one while you’re there, Tim?”

Tim looked up, surprised. Jon and Sasha both turned to look at him as well. 

“What?” Martin asked, almost managing to sound offended. “It’s not like it’s some big secret; ‘ooh Martin’s trans, who’d’ve guessed?’”

“I’m liking this energy on you Martin, very bold,” Tim said, handing him the flag. 

The attention was well off Jon now and Martin noticed him relax somewhat.

“Yeah, well, sometimes you have to be bold. Especially… Coming out was hard. Mum wasn’t really supportive,” Martin blurted out. “I mean, that sounds horrible. She never said I couldn’t, but I always got the impression she didn’t want me to... She was never transphobic or anything, but it was almost like she didn’t want  _ me _ to be. Still, she never stopped me when I made all my appointments and started testosterone and she always washed my binder with the laundry. The NHS waiting list is awful though.”

“I’m sorry Martin, that must’ve been… tough,” Jon remarked, genuinely sympathetically. “Thank god for the sanctuary of the Universities though, eh?”

Tim and Sasha shared a furtive glance as Martin’s cheeks coloured again. 

Jon didn't seem to notice. “Oxford had a fantastic LGBT support group when I was there. They certainly helped- um...” He swallowed. It was as if he’d just barely caught himself oversharing and the others could feel him tense up as he trailed off. 

Not even Tim was going to push him for more information. 

Martin nodded, a little flustered. “Y-yeah. Thank god. It’s um, well, it’s not easy however you slice it, really. But I got by. While there are still things I’d change, well, I’m pretty happy with who I am now for the most part.”

“And  _ we’re  _ proud of you, Martin,” Sasha added. 

“We are,” Tim agreed. 

Even Jon nodded in affirmation.

“Thanks guys, that actually really means a lot. I’m glad we decided to do this. It was a good idea.”

“I’m always telling you I’m full of them,” Tim insisted.

“And just this one time, you were actually right!” Sasha added with a grin.

“Hey!” Tim cried in mock outrage. “I resemble that comment!”

“The phrase is ‘resent’,” Jon corrected.

“Oh wow,” Tim said, “I didn’t expect the boss to be the joke killer, I had my money on Martin, to be honest.”

“Hey!” Martin protested.

“Someone’s got to make sure your head doesn’t get too big for this place, Tim. I am happy to sacrifice a few awful jokes for such a noble cause.” Jon grinned. 

“Are you all hearing this?” Tim asked. “Jonathan Sims cracking jokes?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, I don’t hear anything,” Sasha quipped.

“You must be hearing things, Tim,” Martin played along.

“Oh wow, ok, I see how it is. So much for solidarity.”

“Please, Tim, this is the Archives, it’s everyone for themselves,” Jon said with a smirk.

The rest of the day progressed with a pleasant ease they hadn’t felt in a long time. Tim and Sasha called an early day and went home, while Martin wound down with some light paperwork and Jon dove back into his statements or investigations or whatever he was working on that had Elias dropping things off to him. 

* * *

Sleeplessness was becoming the norm living in the Archives. It always felt safe enough, but it didn’t stop Martin’s imagination from running away from him and nights like this where it got really bad, the only thing to be done was to have a cup of tea, read and wait until he finally got tired enough to try to go to sleep again. 

Martin sighed, pulled on a thick, loose cardigan and made his way to the kitchen to put the kettle on. 

The light was on. He didn’t remember leaving it on, perhaps a cleaner had been through and left it on. ...ok, that was wishful thinking, the cleaners almost never came through the Archives unless they specifically requested them to, but Martin’s brain was in no state to speculate anything beyond that without risking further nightmares. 

“H-hello?” He called tentatively. Something stirred in the kitchen and he almost felt his imagination prepare to jump to squirming conclusions.

“Hello?” He called again just as he reached the door.

A dark, unkempt head stuck out around the doorframe and Martin nearly leapt out of his skin.

“Martin?”

“Jon!” Martin let out a breath. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here so late.” He was immediately thankful he’d decided to grab his cardigan and pulled it a little closer around himself.

Jon ran long fingers down his face, eyebrows furrowing into a deep frown. “No, I can’t imagine you were. I wasn’t intending on it myself, but time has a way of… getting away from me. I thought you’d gone to bed.”

“I had. I couldn’t sleep though,” Martin admitted. “Was going to have a cup of tea.”

“Bad dreams?” Jon asked, filling the kettle and putting it on for him, fetching a mug and teabag from the cupboard before heading back to his own cup at the table and taking a seat.

“Sort of?” Martin pulled a face and took the seat across from him. “Sometimes it’s like I think I hear something- or some _ one _ \- moving around in the Archives. I mean, I guess that could have been you tonight but it happens more often that I’d like to admit.” He sighed. “Tonight though, I just mostly got into my own head, I guess.”

Jon frowned again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Do you… would you want to  _ hear _ about it?”

“I… uh…” Jon cleared his throat and continued more decisively, “You know what, Martin, I would. And I think it would help you to get it off your chest too. Besides, I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

Martin chuckled. “I’m sure you are. You’ve listened to enough statements by now.”

“That is an excellent point.”

The kettle reached boiling and clicked off and Martin got up to make his tea. “I just… don’t want to feel like I’m dumping stuff on you. It’s gender stuff, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

It was late and Jon’s professional filter was clearly turned off. That much was already evident from the way he’d rolled up his sleeves and removed his tie, his shirt untucked and crumpled under his dark green sweater vest. “Martin, you listened to me talk about emulsifiers on your birthday. I think it’s ok. I feel like I might owe you one.”

“If you’re sure…” Martin returned to the table with his mug- Jon had managed to pick his favourite one, Martin hoped it was intentional, but there was a good possibility it was just random chance. 

Jon nodded. “What’s been bothering you?”

Martin took a long breath through his nose and let it out slowly before he began. “There weren’t many people I could talk to when I was first coming to terms with being trans. I thought about it a lot and then there were the people at the gender clinics and the doctors, but that was always so official and  _ box-tick-y? _ I just don’t know if I feel like I got to properly work through things.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No! Not at all, never, no.” Martin was very sure about that. “It’s just- it feels like I missed an experience with it. I uh- I didn’t discuss it with any uni group or anything. I didn’t really discuss it with anyone at all. Mum didn’t want to talk about it and I didn’t really have many close friends between school and early uni and I didn’t really want to make new friends mid-transition, y’know?” He sighed. “I guess I probably didn’t miss much, if anything it would probably have just been me complaining about things - acne had already gotten me pretty bad even before I started T, my voice- even now it’s still pretty high, I’ve always been tall, even for a guy and I’m not exactly the fittest or most handsome, so on top of not feeling like I was growing in the right directions, puberty was not a fun time.” His voice pitched high at the end and he realised with a shock how affected he was, immediately tempering his tone and biting his lip. “Sorry.”

Jon looked sympathetic. “It’s ok, I can only imagine how hard it must have been.”

“I didn’t mean to drop this on you, I just needed to vent it out a bit. I didn’t actually fully expect to essentially ‘come out’ today either, so that brought up some ...feelings.”

Jon cringed slightly. “I- thank you for that today, by the way. It didn’t escape my notice what you did.”

“Oh!” A blush started to spread across Martin’s freckled face and without his glasses it was that much more obvious. “I just thought- I- you looked ...uncomfortable.”

Jon simply nodded, it was clear he wasn’t going to elaborate and that was fine, it was nobody’s business but his. Martin found himself hoping vaguely that perhaps one day Jon would let him in. For now, he respected his boundaries. 

“You said you have no regrets-” Jon said, shifting the subject back- “surely that means that it’s been an overall positive experience?”

Martin smiled warmly. “It has been. There is definitely something to be said for being able to be myself. For being read as a man or at least not being automatically misgendered, even if it’s not always right away or if it’s still pretty obvious I’m trans.”

“Honestly, I’d never really given it much thought,” Jon admitted. “You were always Martin to me.”

Martin’s heart fluttered. “That’s all I ever  _ wanted  _ to be.”

As he said it he caught himself tearing up and his breath caught in his throat. He took a sip of tea to compose himself and Jon waited patiently, finishing what remained of his own cup.

When Martin was sure his voice wasn’t going to crack, he continued, “Even though it was a bit of a mess, I still stand by what I said today. It was a good idea and I think it was good for the team, too.”

“I think you’re right.” Jon nodded again, then wrinkled his nose as he was suddenly overcome with a huge yawn. “Excuse me, I think the lateness of the evening is finally catching up with me.”

“Yeah, yeah, me too,” Martin lied, feigning his own yawn. 

“I think I best be off before it gets too late,” Jon said, taking his cup to the sink, not bothering to wash it, as he often did. 

“Probably a good idea,” Martin agreed. 

He pulled on his coat and picked up his satchel bag he’d left on the floor. “Goodnight Martin.”

Martin smiled back, wrapping his hands around what was left of his now just barely warm cup of tea. “Goodnight Jon, and thank you.”

Jon smiled and added, “Oh, and not a word to the others about this.”

Martin raised an eyebrow. “They can’t know Jonathan Sims is human after all?”

“Can you imagine?” Jon grinned, throwing a look over his shoulder as he walked out. “My image would be ruined.”

Martin sighed and took another long sip of his tea, now 100% convinced that he was utterly and hopelessly in love with his boss. 

_ Fantastic. _


End file.
